I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
