I'm lost and stupid without you.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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