Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
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