I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
