Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Randomize
