You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
