Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
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