This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Randomize
