I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I would fuck him just for his dog
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
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