started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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