the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Randomize
