there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Randomize
