Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
