I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize