You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Randomize
