i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Found the puke drawer
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
