I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Randomize
