What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
