I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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