what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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