This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
The struggles of a small town man whore
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Randomize
