I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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