I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Randomize
