think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
did i walk over a car last night?
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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