Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Randomize
