Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
