Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Randomize
