I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
