The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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