I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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