we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
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