Ambien. No doubt about it.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
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