i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
