I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
