Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
I wish life had little blips of pornography
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
