so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
What drink are we having for lunch?
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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