I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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