Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
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