its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
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