I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Randomize
