i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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