her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
