U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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