he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
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