and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Randomize
