I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
