what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Randomize
