Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize