In the future we'll all be gay
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
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