I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
