The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Randomize
