I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
