we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
