My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
