You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Randomize
