y did u give ur computer a hand job?
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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