No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
You ruined the universe
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Randomize
