i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
