saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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