I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
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