i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
