Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
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