so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
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