i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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