My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
God, I missed his penis.
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