I bet he comes in French.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
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