the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Randomize
