We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Randomize
