I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I need to calm my uterus...
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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