Rock
Scissors
Fuck
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Randomize
