I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
jump out the window naked night went bad
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
