Will you blow on my dice?
I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
