i permit you to call me
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
He did a backflip because drugs
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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