Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Randomize
