I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
