If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
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