I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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