its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Randomize
