This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
