My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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