Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
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