i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
