I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
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