if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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