I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
