you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
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