Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Randomize
