Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Randomize
