i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
