I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Randomize
