At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Randomize
